Lightning Struck
Apart from my work, I am a mother, wife, sister, daughter, and friend. I began my adult years in a considerably tidy world, meeting and moving-into a Soho loft in New York City with my husband after college. Prior to becoming a mother, I was a perfectionist, endlessly striving. When I had my first daughter and then two years later, my second, life forced me to abandon this idealist mindset.
Embracing life’s imperfections, and its unforeseen twists and turns, came about in a lightning bolt kind of way when it became apparent I could no longer control every part of my life without totally depleting myself.
Shedding Perfectionism
Before becoming a coach I was a teacher; I taught kindergarten to tenth grade and helped start The Willow School—an elementary and middle school in central New Jersey. Its stone and wood classroom building was the first LEED (Leadership in Energy and Design) certified school building in the nation.
Making everything “right” and everything happen by my own efforts had proven impossible, illusory, not to mention exhausting. If I was going to have a chance of enjoying all that was immediately before me and ahead, I needed to be in my life, of my life, not planning and managing microscopically. I needed to see bumps and warts not as things to be avoided or hidden, but as part of a wonderful messy life, that was mine to be enjoyed. I needed to see the unknown as possibility filled, not with worry. The revelation hit like lightning, but shedding the perfectionist skin took time. Each bit brought a little taste of freedom. I wanted more and created more.
Not all my growth came easily or gently; the hardest times in my life often resulted in the most fruitful change. When I underwent a divorce with the father of my girls, I was determined not to sweep things under the rug in terms of emotion and communication. I talked openly with my daughters, then six and eight, explaining what I could to allow them to share their pain in all its rawness and gain some understanding.
Leaning on my family and friends along with developing a strong spiritual practice brought me solace, strength, and kept me tethered. In the wake of the divorce, my daughters and I spent a great deal of time with my friends and their children, soaking up the family life in their homes. As a result, the girls and I hold many magical memories from this period, and to this day they credit much of their emotional intelligence to the lessons they learned from watching their parents’ divorce and experiencing the lives of other families.
Change really can be used for the greater good.